


Laser Shooting Dinosaurs

by barbex



Series: The Wrex and Shepard stories [4]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Dinosaurs, Lasers, The Reaper War, tumblr fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 10:34:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10739934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barbex/pseuds/barbex
Summary: Research has awoken a creature from the past and put lasers on them.





	Laser Shooting Dinosaurs

**Author's Note:**

> I just found this gem from 2015 on my tumblr and I never posted it here I guess. I still think it's funny so up it goes.
> 
> It all started like this:  
>  _pistachioinferno asked:_ A fic I'd like you to write: Commander Shepard attacks the Reapers with Laser Tyrannosaurus (s)  
>  _barbex Answer:_ Haha! That sounds awesome!  
>  _spacerist:_ Why has nobody done this?
> 
> \-------  
> Indeed, why?

* * *

 

“Commander, I got you some help from that special department,” Hackett said and there was a suspicious little twitch at the corner of his lips for a split second. But then it was gone and by the ass of Lady Luck, the admiral had that poker face down to an art.

“What special department, sir?” Shepard asked.

“Genetic research and reverse genetical engineering. I don’t know where they got the DNA from but they grew an old lifeform from it.”

Shepard scrunched up her nose. “How old of a lifeform?”

“Very old.”

“Older than his Grumpiness the prothean?”

Now the twitch at the corner of Hackett’s lips was clearly visible. “Even older than that.”

Shepard stumbled through three breaths before she could ask the next question with a straight face. “Sir, are you giving me dinosaurs?” 

“Indeed I am.” How the Admiral could keep a straight face was a mystery to Shepard as she was about to pee her pants, holding her laughter down.

“Sir, I seem to recall a whole movie franchise that recently had its third reboot that explains quite thoroughly why that is a bad — _bad!_ — idea.” 

Even Admiral Pokerface had to grin now. “But you haven’t heard the best of it, Shepard.”

“I’m listening…”

“They have lasers.”

“Lasers?” 

“High energy, high velocity lasers that cut through reaper plating like they’re made of Udina’s backbone.”

“Lasers.” Shepard’s mind was slowly catching up.

“Yes, Commander.”

“Sir? I want ten.”

“You got it. Hackett out.”

* * *

A Tyrannosaurus Rex may have useless short arms but if you attach arc cannons to them, you suddenly have giant monsters with the closest thing to a light-saber you can make on Earth, who run faster than a horse and cut though reaper troops for fun and profit.

Shepard stirred her Tyrra-12 over to another dinosaur. Wrex rode it, laughing louder than she had ever heard him laugh before.

He waved to her as he trampled through a cluster of husks on his way to a Destroyer. His biotic shield deflected the shots from the Destroyer and with a krogan battlecry, the Tyrra-12 jumped on top of  the reaper and cut through its first leg. Shepard attacked the legs on the other side and after few laser cuts, the reaper tumbled to the ground, smelling of welded metal and cauterized flesh. 

Shepard looked over to Wrex and he nodded. They both took a grenade from their armor and threw them at the reaper. The grenades drilled themselves into the flesh of the reaper and as they sprinted away on their laser wielding dinosaurs, the reaper exploded with a metallic screech.

Wrex laughed and patted his dinosaur. “Shepard, I haven’t had this much fun in centuries.”

“Glad I could entertain you!” Shepard said and gave a treat to her Tyrra-12.

Wrex affectionately stroked over the leathery throat of his Tyrra-12. “When this is over, I’m taking Lilly home with me!”

“Lilly?”

“She’s a Lilly, beautiful like a flower,” Wrex said with a sigh and Shepard had never in her life heard Wrex speak with so much love.

She looked at the terrifying creature with its bulging eyes, the sharp teeth and the permanent crazy grin they seem to be wearing and tried to see the beauty that Wrex apparently saw but failed. She shrugged, beautiful or not, they were terrific fighting machines.  

“Wrex my friend, if it is up to me, you can have them all to take home. There’s a few old movies we should watch though, just so that you know what you are getting yourself into.”

The krogan just laughed and spurred his dinosaur towards the next cluster of reaper forces. He let out another battlecry, his biotics shimmering around him and Lilly the dinosaur, his shotgun singing his favorite song, trampling and shooting husks and reapers and Shepard decided that beauty was certainly in the eye of the beholder and this — this must have been the most beautiful sight she had ever seen. 

* * *

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Happy Wrex!


End file.
